Shaken

Still reeling from the death of my dad and the anniversary of my mom's passing, Sunday's attack has left me raw. I'm extremely fortunate that I don't personally know any victims. I cannot say the same for friends of friends or friends of coworkers. But having it occur miles from my home in the city I love, to have that monster in one of my favorite hotels, to have so many causalities on the grounds I've attended events... Needless to say, I'm shaken.

My brother is a huge fan of music and he attends concerts of all genres. He could have easily attended the show. If my mom was still alive there'd be a good chance they'd would've been in attendance. Just a week before the attack my brother and sister attended Life is Beautiful together. I immediately acknowledged how vulnerable they had been and then the Sheriff and MSM confirmed it. My heart sank.

The other night as I slept in my bed in the early morning hours with my windows open I awoke to gunfire. Frank was in the hot tub. I quickly texted him, "I heard gunshots!" He confirmed he heard it too. My heart raced. I paused for sirens. Meanwhile, Frank had already opened the police scanner app. Best we could tell it was a murder suicide. Though, it never made the news the next day.

I won't succumb to terror, but I admit being on edge. I was fearful of my own death since losing my parents. Not the actual event, but leaving those I love behind. Particularly, leaving my brother and sister without anyone to count on unconditionally. Nothing like becoming the matriarch to acknowledge your own mortality. I've since learned worse, yet, is being faced with the mortality of my loved ones. So many are facing just that. I ache for them.

I was eager to attend fan fest for the Golden Knights on Tuesday, but the event was understandably cancelled. This weekend marks the first public gatherings since the attack. Frank and I planned a quick getaway weeks ago. I needed an escape for my own well being. Now, I'm feeling a bit guilty I won't be in my city to show my support at First Friday or the unveiling of the Healing Garden or the number of other events planned for this weekend. I will, however, attend the home opener of the Vegas Golden Knights on Tuesday. I shall rally, then.