November 11, 2015

Learning to Swim

Soon, my family and I will head to California to spread my mom's ashes. Since her death, I've had nothing but time for reflection. These are 10 things I've learned:

1. No matter how prepared you think you are for a death, you can never be fully prepared for the loss and the grief.

2. However much you think it will hurt, it is going to be so much worse.

3. Death makes people awkward and uncomfortable. It sucks, because it's when you need them most.

4. Chances are you might not get the support you need.

5. When you do, you'll find it is difficult to identify your needs.

6. You'll be envious of those that still have their parents and/or grandparents.

7. You will find yourself in fits of anger; wishing others could gain some perspective.

8. You become part of a club that no one wishes to join; yet, the members are the only ones who may begin to understand how you feel.

9. The waves of gutting emotion may wane, but they never disappear.

10. It will change you.


KathyinNY said...

I think of you and your family often and wish that I could help you through the rough patches. I too have been where you are and can identify with your 1-10 list. #4 never happened to me thank goodness. I had great support from family and friends. #6 definitely #7 absolutely! To this day I still do not grocery shop like I used to do with my Mom and she passed on in 2004. #8 Yes - until you've lost a parent you have no idea the impact it has on you.
May you hold your memories close. And remember that we all grieve differently so don't let anyone put you down.
Hugs to you my friend.

Kellee said...

Thank you, Kathy. It helps to know others can relate. You can't control the intensity of emotions or when they strike... so I feel crazy at times. I guess it's all part of the process.

Andie said...

I am so sorry you are going through this. I wish there were things I could say to help, but I know that sometimes words don't really help. I also wish I lived closer to you so that I could hug you, bring you dinner, or just let you cry it out or whatever you need to get through this.

I've been thinking of you lots lately and I was hoping you are doing ok.

Kellee said...

Thanks, Andie. I'm hanging in there.